A Cure for Aimless Ambition

Sometimes I’m trying so hard to do a thing. And I think that because I’m trying so hard at it that I know what I’m trying to do. But really what is happening is I’m trying to drive towards a destination that I have not clearly marked on the map.

This happens when I have brilliant bits of an idea or goal in mind to start with, a splash of the idea you could say. But I have not walked up to the pool (where the splash lived before it splashed me) and jumped in. I have not taken the time to really immerse my mind in its message. I have not felt it’s elements or given my imagination a ride on its waters. I have not mentally dressed for the part it’s wanting to cast me for.

So it keeps being hard. It turns out for me, this is not grounds for the desired outcome. First of all what really, radically, and righteously is my DESIRED OUTCOME? Not just the words of it, but the play of it, and sensations of it, and most importantly, the way I show up in my mind’s eye when it is all going on.

For example, perhaps we (me and my mental committee) should have a good long chat about the dress code for this fresh inheritance. What will I be wearing? What time of day will it be? When I’m flapping around in my bold new behaviors that make this dream come true. What soundtrack will it have? What habits will keep me steady and steeped in manifestational-motivation?! What will the others involved be doing? Will I have a new hair cut?! What moods will the doings evoke in me? Will I feel like a moonstruck poet, a bee in a sea of blooms?

These are the fucking questions (we) need answers too.

Because otherwise, it’s like I’m throwing seeds at the ground and hoping they’ll be something I want. But I don’t know what I want or what the seeds could be. I don’t know how much light or water they need. I’m just a crazy seed thrower with lots of seeds and no seed packages. It’s madness!

Another way it can feel is like I’m doing a puzzle with all the pieces flipped over so I can not see the actual picture or appreciate its levels of beautiful development. Who would want to do a puzzle of backward nothingness? I know of one person but I don’t think they actually wanted the puzzle done. I think they just wanted to torture the people they were doing it with.

Anyway, that’s what I feel like I’ve been doing. My problem is I need some clarity. I need to submerge myself in the wetness of my vision. I need seed packages and directions god damn it! I need one of those lovely, colorful, puzzle posters that you lean over and gaze at while you’re measuring your slow going progress, and feel fucking delighted even when you’ve only got the border done.

Blah! I’ve been aimlessly ambitious! That is my problem. So here’s what I’m going to do instead.

  1. I will take a bath – this will include the Dr. Teal Epsom salts that I love and the lavender foaming bath. It will also require every candle I own. I will bathe in darkness licked by tea lights. I will pretend I have come to the calm all-knowing pond that dwells in the center of my soul. And I will soak there as long as it takes and I will visualize the sensual details of my desired outcome.
  2. I will write a Manifestation Map – this will list all of the details collected from step one. It will include a list of basic needs, rich fertilizers, and words of power. At the top and bottom and sides of the paper, I’ll declare “I AM grateful for all this!”
  3. I will make a vision board – I’ll collect vivid pictures and words and bits of inspiration. I’ll take my time with this step. I’ll let it take as many evenings after dinner or weekend afternoons as I need. I’ll puzzle piece my vision together until I have a mood board that puts me in the exact mood that my desired outcome will give me. This mood will build up and out of me every time I even glimpse my vision board slightly from the corner of my eye.

And that’s that. No more aimless ambition. Only potent unmistakable vision. Only delightful and deliberate desired outcomes!

UPDATE: I’ve done steps 1 through 3 and I am no longer aimlessly ambitious. I now have a clear vision and map of my future. I use this method for all my transitions/goals. But sometimes I forget about its magic until I’m feeling frustrated and lost. If you are feeling frustrated or lost check out this free little Manifestation Map guidebook that I made for you.

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