The, when you need wholeness, love and clarity LIST


Dear self. When you feel like a sick, prick with no direction, read this.

  • Read things that you’ve written. – this is your trail of breadcrumbs, your way back home.
  • Drink more water.
  • Take your mind herbs – your nervous system is likely a whirling mess (especially if it’s Autumn) Take care of your brain and it will take care of you.
  • Long showers & candle light & self massage – you’re craving the sweet taste.. but really you know you’re craving love, touch, and warmth.
  • Don’t forget to feel – stop chasing “info” & “facts” and just fucking feel. “Know what you know, and if you don’t know something, know that its okay because it is the truth.” – Melody Beattie
  • Remember this is temporary – this may be what is true for you right now, but it is not all there is. “The truth will set you free…but first it will piss you off.” – Gloria Steinem
  • Dance.
  • Drink Chamomile tea.
  • Eat food that is Alive – that means there is still a shred of life in it, it hasn’t been processed to death or over cooked. Life energy gives way to life energy – if you are feeling dead inside, don’t add more dead stuff to the mix.
  • Write – just write, even if its just a stupid list telling you what you already know (especially if what you know is gratitude.)
  • Reach out – write a letter, go to a meeting, send the same text to dozens of people in a desperate, honest, abrupt attempt to know you aren’t alone – send the message you would like to receive. We get what we give. (Hey _____ (one or all/any people I know) Hope you are doing awesome shit and taking good care of yourself. I really appreciate you.)
  • Go outside – or at the very least, LOOK outside. (the natural world is honest and longing to show you what’s real)
  • Don’t (just don’t) expect to know anything right now – this includes: what you’re doing, who you are, or where you’re going… “And I’ll be the most beautiful in this moment… or the most cynical and strange, I can always rearrange, I can always find myself just how I am.”
  • Deep belly breathing (deep breaths for a young (wo)man learning)
  • Stick to as many of your rituals as you can. (remember gratitude first thing in the A.M. work when it’s time to work, eat when it’s time to eat, dance when it’s time to dance, honor your quiet time rule after dinner, take your vitamins, brush your teeth, consult your planner)
  • Ponder the notion that Life is just a ride at some cosmic amusement park…
  • Find your most extreme feeling and counter it – If you feel cold (cold hands, cold thoughts, cold heart) give yourself warmth (hot tea, warm stories, self massage) If you’re feeling crazy – go to what/where you feel stability (a straight line, hang out with rocks, tree pose) If you feel unorganized and full of too much distraction – go to what/where you feel is quiet or systematic (your planner, the library, sweep the floors) etc.. “Immerse yourself in the energy of what you most desire” – Hiro Boga
  • Go to your guides – trust in signs, talk less & listen more, see what your superstars are saying – open your favorite book of daily meditations or poetry to a random page and read it.
  • Remember gratitude.
  • Fall face first into the pillows and scream – then burn some sage and say “thanks.”
  • Stop taking yourself so seriously – for today, remove every label you have ever applied to yourself except HUMAN and STUDENT.
  • Commit to asking yourself these questions a week from now – for now just collect the information you’ll use to answer them.
  • Listen to your PMS playlist -Songs for when you need to relax and remember that you are AMAZING and life is about learning and growing.

“So many times I’ve wondered where I’ve gone, and how I found my way back in.” – Norah Jones

With Love & Light,

Your truest Self

Today

Today I will be
Creative
Inspired
Inspiring…
with love and laughter
and silent intention
that weighs warm and heavy in the air
affording, if only just a moment
of space well held
For a stranger, for a friend, for myself

A space where less is more
and meanings are louder than words
and conversations are felt not heard
and sounds and glances glitter
modestly on top
like stars sprinkled upon a vast darkness of truth and infinity

– Big Love, Kenzie

Greatness

I am a mush of greatness this morning
Like oatmeal – with too much maple syrup
Longing to seep everywhere
and penetrate your salty skin

Longing to weigh heavy on your scattered thoughts
like a blanket of sweet truth
“It is all here.”… I would whisper
into
your cold ears
“It is all here just reach out your hand, your mind, your heart.. and take it!”

I am a paper heart this morning
speckled with glimmery scraps
of
tissue paper and glue
Longing to take you far into an old memory
That you have forgotten lately, but is the truth of things
The truth of love and courage and freedom.
One taste of this memory and you are
intoxicated with faith
A humbleness you can’t explain with your adult mind
or perhaps swallow as your ego stands panting over your shoulder

Even still, I am a noisy dog this morning,
that “clickity-clacks” behind you
and longs to nudge you and love you
despite your bossy ego
Urging you to break down and pour out love and laughter
from the moment you rise
urging you to spill your tea and say “oh well.”

Good Morning.

an anthem

You know what I remembered today?…
It’s okay to want to be alone
It’s okay to take yourself away, to practice what you are
or what you want to be.
It’s okay to dance alone in the candle light to a familiar beat
one that feels like a retreat and brings all the best parts of you to the surface
Lets you shine in the darkness where no one may notice… but you will.
You’ll be a bright shinning ball of light if only for a moment,
the stars will accept you as one of their own.
They’ll adore you and respect you.
It’s okay to be fearsome and brave
and scare all the negative notions stalking you away.
It’s nice to shed those garbage thoughts like dirty clothes
and get naked like it’s just you and your soul and it’s endless prose
urging you to move till you feel everything stop chasing you
and nothing unrighteous touching you.
It’s okay to fall in love with who you are
and take buckets of that love and shed it on another
surely it splashes off you anyway
and seeps into all the cracks and crevices of your life
like a sparkling liquid that will harden into glue.
All because of you.
All because you danced.
All because you took a chance, because you took a stand,
because you realigned, often, perhaps even hundreds of times.
Because you were steadfast, you’ll change in the future
yet admired your past.
It’s good to point this out sometimes
because sometimes we forget…
It all keeps moving, growing, building, flowing.
It’s all so easy to see when you’re alone.
When you’re alone you’re truly home
free to relax or rearrange, if you don’t like the way your home feels
you’re free to tear down and reclaim.
Free to place little reminders on the windowsills and mirrors
free to be emotional or relieved,
free to even change what you believe,
free to feel safe even amidst uncertainty
safe because you always have some where to go, somewhere to be
somewhere to call your own. Just close your eyes
and let your breath bring you home.

morning meditation

Mountains sit like Deities in the window
Urging stillness, in my peripheral
I’d be wise to let them urge me
Let them show me, let them be me

It’s not common practice
to sit and wait for nothing
and linger in the moment
in fact we have been conditioned, not to, that it’s lazy

My breath is steam, as I clutch my tea,
it melts into the morning

I could travel a thousand miles,
right from where I’m sitting
But I resist
I stay and visit
the moment takes me in like a dear friend

Man, I’m glad I didn’t miss it
It may seem silly, may seem awkward
But I’m glad I finally accept the offer

black tea revelation

Thoughts stare back at me
in a reflection on black tea
Guess you never know when you’ll run into yourself
steam swirls
circles
and curls questions sink and melt
Tea leaves float the surface like tiny boats and striving hopes
that sail right through the harshest storms
shapes and forms reveal themselves
in the midst a revelation is born
One Solid shining notion
Pulled from a pool of liquid black
Sparkles hug the curves of optimism
the way the lunar shadow hugs the edges around the inside of my cup
Reminds me of the tides and all life’s cycles
Roll with the downs
Roll with the ups
You have to be just as brave to finish as you were to start

5 Ways to Enjoy a Red Light

The world is in such a hurry these days. In a society running on Starbucks and work deadlines, it is tough sometimes not to get caught up in the “go, go, go” of every-day-life. I think that red lights have been the bad guys for too long. I think red lights and stop signs and traffic jams all deserve a second thought. And that thought is this: Is it really so bad to pause every once in a while? Is it just awful to have a second to think, to reflect, or to slow down long enough to notice the extraordinary sunset sweeping across the sky? Don’t you ever find yourself wishing you could just escape for a minute? Here is what red lights have been trying to tell us for a century now and five ways to fully appreciate their potential.

1. Take in the stillness.  Take a second and look around and feel the world rush past you. Be a part of the trees or the buildings, the things that are being still, and appreciate life from their perspective. The masters have always told us to go with the flow, but that doesn’t mean losing yourself in it. You deserve to have moments all your own. Be your own flow. Take a deep breath… and then Go.

2. Be grateful.  It always feels good to remember all the things we are thankful for, especially if we are having a bad day or stressing out. You can’t help but stop at a red light (well legally), so even if you are in the biggest hurry of them all, you have permission from traffic laws everywhere to slow down and take a breather. Take advantage of it, relax, name a few reasons you are happy to be doing what you are doing. Think about what you enjoy about your life and what you are fortunate to have.

3. Be friendly.  Notice the people around you. Smile at a stranger. Study your fellow beings. Barge into their lives a little and let them know they are not alone. Making someone smile is a simple gesture that often takes you further than you could ever imagine. ” I don’t even know you, I don’t know what you do for a living or what church you go to or whether you’re a Stealers fan or not, but I’m going to smile at you.” How could that not feel awesome?

5. Quiet your mind. I’m sure we can all relate to streaming and unyielding thinking marathons that just never seem to stop and yet never seem to get us anywhere. You’re just thinking about nothing and everything at the same time and maybe you feel like you wish you could just turn your brain off. Your favorite song is on the radio and you can’t even enjoy it ’cause it’s so loud between your ears. This is when you stop and simply think to yourself “I wonder what my next thought will be?…” (The only way to know if it works is to try it) But I would not suggest doing this while driving, which is why red lights are wonderful!

5. Take care of your body. Red lights are the perfect time to do those little things you should do and always forget to like drink water or do your Kegel exercises! Whenever we do anything nice for our body it sends a message of security and value to all our moving parts and working systems. Cellular biologist, Bruce Lipton, says “our cells really are sentient entities that are trying to work together for our good.” When we send our body messages of love and security our cells take that message and run with it which enables our systems to operate more optimally. Take good care of your body, it will take good care of you.  Also, Doing your Kegel exercises strengthen the PC muscles, helps in treating urinary incontinence and can increase sexual gratification. So many red light wins!

So, instead of being impatient and stressed or bored and stuck with nothing to do but read the bumper stickers on the car in front of you, you now have five productive mind, body, and soul practices to enrich your life one red light at a time. See you out there!

The 5 B’s of Doingness

 

#1 Beginning- I have to admit it is kind of intimidating staring at the blinking curser as it prods almost intrusively at my skill and ability to write. I just dive in. It seems characteristic of me, like jumping off the roof when I was 12, into the make shift snow mound.  Now, just like then, a second of uncertainty is less uncomfortable than the thought of standing there feeling frozen and unsure.  When I try to stay in one place and think it over patiently and rationally, I often just talk myself out of things.  I’d rather just take a chance and see what happens then spend too much time second guessing myself. I’m not afraid of mistakes.  I am afraid of feeling stuck.  So here I am.  I’ve begun to write. I’ve already gotten through a paragraph and it all seems relevant and thought provoking, which is after all what I was going for when I sat down to write my first piece for potential publication.

#2 Baby steps- I’ve never done this kind of writing but I’ve always wanted to.  “Well,” I think to myself “anyone who’s done anything has never done it before at one point.” This thought is very reassuring to me and so I press on.  I have found that whenever I do anything new or exciting, whether it is life changing like a move to a new place, a break up, or perhaps less serious like deciding to take a class or start an exercise routine, it’s best to just take it one tiny step at a time and not get all hung up on the final project.  I adhere to the saying  “Progress not perfection.”  Most of the time nothing turns out the way you thought it would anyway, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t turn out wonderful.  The fun part is often getting there and the little-by-little-stuff can be just as exciting as the final step into your original pursuit.

#3 Breaks- I stop writing and go to the store with my honey, due to late night BBQ cravings (an excuse to be outside and around the fire really).  All along I’m writing this in my head as we browse the isles at Fred Meyer’s for short ribs and salad dressing. Then I stop. “Wait, this is nice. I should enjoy this”, I think to myself as I grab my honey’s hand.  Sometimes we forget to take breaks when we are excited about doing something for the first time. I often get over involved forgetting to travel back to the surface of reality, for a breath of fresh air or a warm moment of clarity.  A deep breath is waiting for me here, between all my nerve and ambition, the sound of crackling embers or the plot of my four year old daughter’s day spilling out in broken words and infectious laughter.  When I step back into the project later I may have something more to bring with me than if I had just stayed and obsessed.

#4 But-what-if’s- I look over what I’ve already done. I start to get anxious and self-critical and then I stop myself and remember that mistakes are also great teachers.  It’s not enough to start something if I’m not going to give it my all. Sure it’s true not all things are meant to be, but if you don’t try your best and do everything you can to make it work you will never know.  I guess that brings me back to the “doing-ness” factor.  In the first place, it is tough sometimes to just get out there and do the stuff you’ve always wanted to do.  Whether it’s starting something or ending something. I don’t know exactly what makes it so difficult. Maybe it’s a case of relentless what-if’s rooted in our fears of failure and disappointment?  All I know is I’d rather be disappointed than disenchanted any day!

#5 Balls – I believe we should do the things we want to do even if others warn us not to. Isn’t that what all the greatest do-ers and revolutionists in history have done?  We are ordinary people but we can do extraordinary things and lead extraordinary lives, just by indulging our simplest dreams and want-to’s.   So I am doing this. Writing a column is one of the many things I’ve always wanted to do and I appreciate you being a part of it. I bid you all a good week full of opportunity, change and mistakes to urge your quests to do stuff.