fall

I feel like the leaf outside.

Blowing everywhere but not settling,

I can’t figure out how to settle.

I can’t figure out if I’m just supposed to go along for the ride

It seems lazy and unproductive.

It feels right but it seems wrong

And  I feel like the moon.

New and hungry for my potential to shine.

Perhaps I should drink tea

And read books and just wait for something to come to me

Wait to drift down and know.

Now tho I’m just riding the wind

messengers

It’s nice to be here

Knowing nothing
And expecting everything
to come of it.
Watching the ravens & magpies
Experiment with each other
Their black and blue feathers
Rebelling against the white-out world
Covered in snow & sympathy
Messengers of Failure’s mascaraed
As they attempt
Their tricks
Vigorously
Endlessly
Until finally
One swoop delivers them to victory.
And just as they did, their failure,
they accept their fortune
No questions
No need to define it as tangible
Just truth
promises to repeat their damning ways, trusting faithfully in their own
persistence
Until they have completed their work in the world.

summer solstice

Because there’s only light,

as we dance between the leaves.

And the flowers bow their heavy heads

with the strength and courage

of full blooms.

 

We follow paths that twist and shrink

like the ones that traverse

our own minds and hearts.

And discover as we walk in single file

our majestic blooming selves.

 

Because there’s only light.

And it glimmers through the trees

as it does our fingers.

And emanates from dreams

and off our skin.

 

We learn to savoir the taste of the

summer air.

And the scent of the lilacs.

Their kiss awakening

the stories of every former midnight sun,

of every dream that reached through a dark night

to burst into its final

Bloom

whole body

Once I held my breath

And waited patiently

As though that would make me a saint

I rejected beauty where it was in the form

Of gruesomeness and pain

Thinking I could pull God apart

And discover her love

Somehow separate from the rest of her body

A body that I have begun

To know better now

Like I’d know my own

Aware of the places that hurt

And the places that excite and cry out in ecstasy.

Her body is perfectly flawed

And irrevocably Holy

Her beauty encompassing

All that is “pure” and all that is “lost”

And equalizing them with a single breath

A breath I do not hold so much any more

But savoir

With no attempts of capturing it

A breath that yields to every breath

That ever danced before or after it

Bringing me home to the oneness

Of her whole body

A body that begs to understand itself

The way I trace my abdomen and hips

With my fingers hoping to fully embrace

The magic and wonder

Of my seemingly separate body

Hoping to capture the whisper

Of my “highest” potential and grace

As if it weren’t marbled into my whole essence

As if I weren’t just another piece of her

Whole perfectly flawed body

earth mothers

Earth mothers know what it takes

to give and keep on giving.

And watch with love and acceptance

each seed her children are planting

Earth mothers know the selfless act

of letting go

And smile with faith and patience

as her children reap the seeds they sow,

and become certain they know so much

and forget how to listen, or at times lose touch.

Earth mothers know how to keep the connection strong

and pull her children close like gravity

to a place they know for sure that they belong.

Earth mothers know that disaster is a part of the cycle

and that what remains is always stronger after

because beneath the remnants of what “was”

is the truth of what really is.

Earth mothers know the pureness of tears,

like the rain that washes over pain.

And reveals the rainbow colors of change…that hug the edges of the light

that otherwise you might not know is there

Earth mothers know the lure of the moon.

And the introspective language of the stars.

And urge temples and lincoln log towers to reach towards the sky

where her children may look upward and outward and

somehow end up back inside themselves.

Earth mothers know how to gently stir her children awake.

And point them towards a sun that blinds them with love,

introduce them to forests that show them that to grow

everything else must also grow,

and to Earth Mother herself who has taught a mother all she knows.

Today

Today I will be
Creative
Inspired
Inspiring…
with love and laughter
and silent intention
that weighs warm and heavy in the air
affording, if only just a moment
of space well held
For a stranger, for a friend, for myself

A space where less is more
and meanings are louder than words
and conversations are felt not heard
and sounds and glances glitter
modestly on top
like stars sprinkled upon a vast darkness of truth and infinity

– Big Love, Kenzie

Greatness

I am a mush of greatness this morning
Like oatmeal – with too much maple syrup
Longing to seep everywhere
and penetrate your salty skin

Longing to weigh heavy on your scattered thoughts
like a blanket of sweet truth
“It is all here.”… I would whisper
into
your cold ears
“It is all here just reach out your hand, your mind, your heart.. and take it!”

I am a paper heart this morning
speckled with glimmery scraps
of
tissue paper and glue
Longing to take you far into an old memory
That you have forgotten lately, but is the truth of things
The truth of love and courage and freedom.
One taste of this memory and you are
intoxicated with faith
A humbleness you can’t explain with your adult mind
or perhaps swallow as your ego stands panting over your shoulder

Even still, I am a noisy dog this morning,
that “clickity-clacks” behind you
and longs to nudge you and love you
despite your bossy ego
Urging you to break down and pour out love and laughter
from the moment you rise
urging you to spill your tea and say “oh well.”

Good Morning.

dear Zipporah

Take a look
While you are still
Take in the humor, and the irony
The twists of faith in everything
The sky upon the hill

Accept what it is, as what is
and it will be more mysterious still
but accepting it will set you free

Don’t be afraid to move around,
Till you feel your feet find solid ground
I know it’s hard to settle in sometimes
So much easier to just “survive”

Just remember change shall ever remain
Sometimes bringing diamonds dipped in pain
Or beauty deep within the darkest days

Remember, recollect and rearrange
Be what you call forth
Be the change that you endorse
Be the star that you look towards

Love, Mom

mom’s poem (age 17)

A child still wanders through the lands
that lived in library books and puppet shows
I still run bare foot through puddles
and stick my fingers in hot pools of melted wax,
to remember the feeling
of putting small “smell-good-hearts” in your cupped hands
The smell of thrift stores, your infectious laugh

Though lullabies and fireflies linger in my dreams,
the last tufts of Babies-Breath are wilting at my feet

A disarray of lessons, and particular moments and secrets,
turning the soil soft and sweet

A bed made for a new age

17 years of your doting endearment
have made gardens of my childhood
and a perennial morale grow, from the hearts of troubled seeds

The band on your finger, that let me know which hand was yours in a crowed place
or sea of uncertainty
Still I look for that beacon to guide me in the right direction when I am lost
Showing me always to turn towards the sun

No one could be a better mother to me,
I hope to become the Rose, you meant for me to be

dad’s poem

These tendencies surface boldly from within,
some from the day I started breathing,
some from the times I lost my wind..
I pull them close and feel their urges
and your shadow dances on the edges
I still climb to high places
my breath tugging at my throat
so I can dangle my feet from imperiling ledges..
That part of you in my point of view
telling me to stand tall even when I feel small
It tells me to wear my heart out on my sleeve
and at times, I’m even brave enough, to turn it over in ink
All from watching you
You’ve lived honestly in front of me
I’ve learned from watching you that it’s important
to question what I think
And when life seems hopeless or off kelter
I use your wisdom as a filter..
You taught me to paint the world
with love and humor
The sweetest moments I remember, are of us
drenched in our own laughter
And when there is heavy silence
your music fills my ears, sooths my soul..
and relieves my fears
the same way it always has
for all these years

here is good… where ever that is.

I think I’m going to have to set aside
this wayward thinking style…
And how ‘bout trying just to stay
Let the others run their pace awhile

Now here’s the ground I stood, its feeling weak
The places are the same, most the people haven’t changed
I guess that leaves it up to me..
Plenty of forgiveness, no one left to blame

Here it is… Staring me in the eyes..
I’ve had enough to look at but I’ve failed to realize
That this feeling I’ve been searching for is nowhere to be found
‘Cause it’s been waiting all this time for me to come around

And I think I’m going have to come back in
From these memories I’ve been playing in
I’ll never find myself in old photographs
Nostalgia’s an illusion now just waiting to attack

It’s the times I lose myself, I know I grow
And tell me you will stay, or tell me you will go
It makes no difference to me
‘cause this place I’m in, will still be
The place I need to stand inside the most

So here it is… starting me in the eyes
I had enough to look at but I failed to realize
That I’ll be the most beautiful in this moment
Or the most cynical and strange.. I can always rearrange
I can always find myself just how I am

an anthem

You know what I remembered today?…
It’s okay to want to be alone
It’s okay to take yourself away, to practice what you are
or what you want to be.
It’s okay to dance alone in the candle light to a familiar beat
one that feels like a retreat and brings all the best parts of you to the surface
Lets you shine in the darkness where no one may notice… but you will.
You’ll be a bright shinning ball of light if only for a moment,
the stars will accept you as one of their own.
They’ll adore you and respect you.
It’s okay to be fearsome and brave
and scare all the negative notions stalking you away.
It’s nice to shed those garbage thoughts like dirty clothes
and get naked like it’s just you and your soul and it’s endless prose
urging you to move till you feel everything stop chasing you
and nothing unrighteous touching you.
It’s okay to fall in love with who you are
and take buckets of that love and shed it on another
surely it splashes off you anyway
and seeps into all the cracks and crevices of your life
like a sparkling liquid that will harden into glue.
All because of you.
All because you danced.
All because you took a chance, because you took a stand,
because you realigned, often, perhaps even hundreds of times.
Because you were steadfast, you’ll change in the future
yet admired your past.
It’s good to point this out sometimes
because sometimes we forget…
It all keeps moving, growing, building, flowing.
It’s all so easy to see when you’re alone.
When you’re alone you’re truly home
free to relax or rearrange, if you don’t like the way your home feels
you’re free to tear down and reclaim.
Free to place little reminders on the windowsills and mirrors
free to be emotional or relieved,
free to even change what you believe,
free to feel safe even amidst uncertainty
safe because you always have some where to go, somewhere to be
somewhere to call your own. Just close your eyes
and let your breath bring you home.

letters to the Universe

Try to wrap your mind around

Something deep inside you
Moving through you
Bumping us together
Watching us be clever
Pulling at your soul
Like a parachute from your chest
And existence and creation are the winds…
That send us sailing on like letters God has sent
Kismet pure, it seems
Turn towards anything
Fall away from time and space
They’re only ideas anyway
And how do you feel being naked and alone
Flowers bloom around your bones…
And then you are anything, you are anyone, you are anywhere
You’re everything

side streets and manifestations

May we walk
steady as we go
Full of wonder and compassion
as we grow

Listening only
to the surest smallest voice
Running our fingers intuitively
through every possible choice..

May we find our spirits
the lanterns in the dark
Where there is dampness
may we remain the spark

May we pull our sleeves over our knuckles
and grab tight the handles and buckles
as we bump along adjusting
at every corner assessing
every turn, every challenge

till we are part of every sway
we flow with the rhythms and days
and cycles rooted deep a midst
our natural adaptations

side streets and manifestations…

morning meditation

Mountains sit like Deities in the window
Urging stillness, in my peripheral
I’d be wise to let them urge me
Let them show me, let them be me

It’s not common practice
to sit and wait for nothing
and linger in the moment
in fact we have been conditioned, not to, that it’s lazy

My breath is steam, as I clutch my tea,
it melts into the morning

I could travel a thousand miles,
right from where I’m sitting
But I resist
I stay and visit
the moment takes me in like a dear friend

Man, I’m glad I didn’t miss it
It may seem silly, may seem awkward
But I’m glad I finally accept the offer