I am a mush of greatness this morning
Like oatmeal – with too much maple syrup
Longing to seep everywhere
and penetrate your salty skin
Longing to weigh heavy on your scattered thoughts
like a blanket of sweet truth
“It is all here.”… I would whisper
your cold ears
“It is all here just reach out your hand, your mind, your heart.. and take it!”
I am a paper heart this morning
speckled with glimmery scraps
tissue paper and glue
Longing to take you far into an old memory
That you have forgotten lately, but is the truth of things
The truth of love and courage and freedom.
One taste of this memory and you are
intoxicated with faith
A humbleness you can’t explain with your adult mind
or perhaps swallow as your ego stands panting over your shoulder
Even still, I am a noisy dog this morning,
that “clickity-clacks” behind you
and longs to nudge you and love you
despite your bossy ego
Urging you to break down and pour out love and laughter
from the moment you rise
urging you to spill your tea and say “oh well.”
Take a look
While you are still
Take in the humor, and the irony
The twists of faith in everything
The sky upon the hill
Accept what it is, as what is
and it will be more mysterious still
but accepting it will set you free
Don’t be afraid to move around,
Till you feel your feet find solid ground
I know it’s hard to settle in sometimes
So much easier to just “survive”
Just remember change shall ever remain
Sometimes bringing diamonds dipped in pain
Or beauty deep within the darkest days
Remember, recollect and rearrange
Be what you call forth
Be the change that you endorse
Be the star that you look towards
A child still wanders through the lands
that lived in library books and puppet shows
I still run bare foot through puddles
and stick my fingers in hot pools of melted wax,
to remember the feeling
of putting small “smell-good-hearts” in your cupped hands
The smell of thrift stores, your infectious laugh
Though lullabies and fireflies linger in my dreams,
the last tufts of Babies-Breath are wilting at my feet
A disarray of lessons, and particular moments and secrets,
turning the soil soft and sweet
A bed made for a new age
17 years of your doting endearment
have made gardens of my childhood
and a perennial morale grow, from the hearts of troubled seeds
The band on your finger, that let me know which hand was yours in a crowed place
or sea of uncertainty
Still I look for that beacon to guide me in the right direction when I am lost
Showing me always to turn towards the sun
No one could be a better mother to me,
I hope to become the Rose, you meant for me to be
These tendencies surface boldly from within,
some from the day I started breathing,
some from the times I lost my wind..
I pull them close and feel their urges
and your shadow dances on the edges
I still climb to high places
my breath tugging at my throat
so I can dangle my feet from imperiling ledges..
That part of you in my point of view
telling me to stand tall even when I feel small
It tells me to wear my heart out on my sleeve
and at times, I’m even brave enough, to turn it over in ink
All from watching you
You’ve lived honestly in front of me
I’ve learned from watching you that it’s important
to question what I think
And when life seems hopeless or off kelter
I use your wisdom as a filter..
You taught me to paint the world
with love and humor
The sweetest moments I remember, are of us
drenched in our own laughter
And when there is heavy silence
your music fills my ears, sooths my soul..
and relieves my fears
the same way it always has
for all these years
I think I’m going to have to set aside
this wayward thinking style…
And how ‘bout trying just to stay
Let the others run their pace awhile
Now here’s the ground I stood, its feeling weak
The places are the same, most the people haven’t changed
I guess that leaves it up to me..
Plenty of forgiveness, no one left to blame
Here it is… Staring me in the eyes..
I’ve had enough to look at but I’ve failed to realize
That this feeling I’ve been searching for is nowhere to be found
‘Cause it’s been waiting all this time for me to come around
And I think I’m going have to come back in
From these memories I’ve been playing in
I’ll never find myself in old photographs
Nostalgia’s an illusion now just waiting to attack
It’s the times I lose myself, I know I grow
And tell me you will stay, or tell me you will go
It makes no difference to me
‘cause this place I’m in, will still be
The place I need to stand inside the most
So here it is… starting me in the eyes
I had enough to look at but I failed to realize
That I’ll be the most beautiful in this moment
Or the most cynical and strange.. I can always rearrange
I can always find myself just how I am
You know what I remembered today?…
It’s okay to want to be alone
It’s okay to take yourself away, to practice what you are
or what you want to be.
It’s okay to dance alone in the candle light to a familiar beat
one that feels like a retreat and brings all the best parts of you to the surface
Lets you shine in the darkness where no one may notice… but you will.
You’ll be a bright shinning ball of light if only for a moment,
the stars will accept you as one of their own.
They’ll adore you and respect you.
It’s okay to be fearsome and brave
and scare all the negative notions stalking you away.
It’s nice to shed those garbage thoughts like dirty clothes
and get naked like it’s just you and your soul and it’s endless prose
urging you to move till you feel everything stop chasing you
and nothing unrighteous touching you.
It’s okay to fall in love with who you are
and take buckets of that love and shed it on another
surely it splashes off you anyway
and seeps into all the cracks and crevices of your life
like a sparkling liquid that will harden into glue.
All because of you.
All because you danced.
All because you took a chance, because you took a stand,
because you realigned, often, perhaps even hundreds of times.
Because you were steadfast, you’ll change in the future
yet admired your past.
It’s good to point this out sometimes
because sometimes we forget…
It all keeps moving, growing, building, flowing.
It’s all so easy to see when you’re alone.
When you’re alone you’re truly home
free to relax or rearrange, if you don’t like the way your home feels
you’re free to tear down and reclaim.
Free to place little reminders on the windowsills and mirrors
free to be emotional or relieved,
free to even change what you believe,
free to feel safe even amidst uncertainty
safe because you always have some where to go, somewhere to be
somewhere to call your own. Just close your eyes
and let your breath bring you home.
Try to wrap your mind around
Something deep inside you
Moving through you
Bumping us together
Watching us be clever
Pulling at your soul
Like a parachute from your chest
And existence and creation are the winds…
That send us sailing on like letters God has sent
Kismet pure, it seems
Turn towards anything
Fall away from time and space
They’re only ideas anyway
And how do you feel being naked and alone
Flowers bloom around your bones…
And then you are anything, you are anyone, you are anywhere