This Tenacity

Nature’s tenacity though disruptive at times, is also purely Life-giving. A strong pulsed continuum. We are made of and within a Universe that inhales potential and exhales Life. 

This morning these words land in my mind as my reluctance is masked in sleepiness. And push my tired spirit back into the wakeful world, uncertain reality. Although now I think about it, and I am not sure this day is anymore uncertain than all other days and times. Things change constantly, this is life. 

What carries us today is also what has and always will. Our breath. The in and out. Our perspective, our focus. Our ability to wait. And in the waiting find joys and thankfulness. Our courage. To reach for each other. And be the love and compassion and laughter that is needed.

Perhaps we hunker down. Connect. Play. Tell our stories. Perhaps we reinvent ourselves. Declutter our hearts and minds. Take down the old and build a new. 

Perhaps we’ll turn words (ordinary ones that pack power like “peace”, “health”, “clarity”. ) into mantras that pull us like an inhale into the light filled centers of ourselves. Perhaps we come to stand at a window that dwells within the Light Palace of our soul and look out to find portraits of personal purpose and creativity.

Now we can feel the True Nature that holds us and propels us through this time and space. Now deep breaths of cosmic air pull power and light from our holy centers and an exhale pours it over our heads like a fresh soothing element that drains into all our dark or worried spaces.

Breath after breath after breath is like this until we start to feel the weight and taste of this soothing element. Until it makes a sound like the whispers of our mantras. We feel the power of our Greatest most Resilient self. This is the ancient, primal, promising Nature that carries us. 

Gratitude 1/1/20

1. The rush of aliveness that comes with my spring phase.

2. Chosen silence.

3. I’m excited to breath deeply and push all the passion bubbling up inside me through my veins and finger tips and toes and beyond.

4. I’m excited about the possibilities a day does bring. The blessings and gratitude and understanding or just the light that will be shining somewhere that I feel even if I cannot see.

5. I’m excited for coffee and stretches and snacks and vitamins and making offerings of love and affection to my Earth bound body.

6. I’m excited for a late night and late morning.

7. I’m excited for meditations and visualizations that open windows and doors in the dusty, dark, and lonely rooms of my mind and let freshness and light flood in.

8. I’m excited for me. And all the time and energy and love and peace that was inherited in my seed. I’m thankful for the ways it makes me live.

9. I’m excited I might share this with someone and they could feel a connection with me and move into an empty place in my life that I’ve been saving for them.

10. I’m excited for the magic and wonder and unique texture of this day. And how it can hold me no matter what and I will not sink through or break it’s seams with any amount of my human concern. It will just hold me sure and steady and a little bit rhythmic like you hold a young thing, swaying left to right and pressing it’s little head to your chest so that it can hear and feel the strong beat of your willingness and mentorship.

11. Thank you to the Being or Beings that have picked me up and rocked me all my life.

Flow Rituals

I know I desire a slow form of living this year. So that I can notice more and pay tribute to more and let myself flow.

I’m learning what slows me and delights me. Quietude. Sometimes writing my way through noisy storms in my mind. Some times just sitting, watching, breathing.

I want to pause more I guess. When I’m enjoying something I want to stretch it out. Make it last, collect and keep a piece of its essence for fuel.

Ways to keep my flow:

Brain dump lists

Being outside

Candle light in darkness

Dancing

Folding laundry

Gratitude lists

Posture and breath practices

Push ups

Slow sex

Sweet savored sips or bites

Water breaks

Yoga

Ps. Do you have stay in the flow rituals? Please share.

Body of Light

I do feel better now. The last few days my mind has been tripping over all kinds of things. Searching. Taste testing. Falling from heights I did not realize were inside of me.

Then I decide to go home – The simple but often forgotten practice of rediscovering my body. It’s a slow, patient, process that I don’t always believe there is time for. But I can’t forget it’s power. I bask in how it went. Grabbing toes, turning on the little muscles that make my ass and thighs shake. Twitching, counting, dancing, having little contests with myself. The smell of my hair as it tickles my nose in a long held pose, hints of sage and cinnamon. The stretch and lengthening that my breath creates, against the beat of rhythms that turn the lights down in my mind, make all the rough spots smooth, and the uncertain spots strong.

Remembering that I have a body always helps with the anxiety that comes this time of year. Remembering My roots, remembering I belong in this place, in this vessel that is governed by universal laws. I am not “on the outside” of anything. This shelter I call my body is made of the same elements that have produced planets, including the one I live on. All the lifeforms here (including me) are bits of her flesh. The same processes that propel the moon and stars move me through time and space as well. I am part of the body of life. I’m a sliver of the infinite.

And it’s all going to be ok.

Then there is nothing “too” big anymore. Things are small and put in there proper proportions. Human drama = minuscule, loneliness = impossible, Life = unstoppable, this moment = everything I need.

I know I am loved now. I can relax into unfathomable billows of love. Because this body, this planet, this Life are propelled by a kind of life-giving love. And it shows me how to be the one who loves me. Because Love is embedded in this “going” we call time. It is the ancient root that tendrils us all.

Ps. This song.

Delight in slow deliberate growth.

Don’t force it.
Just enjoy the build up.
So it’s slow.
Let it be slow.
Let your breath and limbs relish in its tension.
Let trust envelop the philosophers in your mind.
Let it wax.
Let it wan too.
It will come back around.

Press into it.
Appreciate its pulp.
The sweet illusive magic of its essence.
Explore its subtle edges.
That bleed like water color into the rest of life.

And now, move.

Sometimes I wish I were different already.
That I could untie the knots in my mind, on demand.
Make my limbs reach more readily for the love that I crave.

But there’s this ravine it seems, between me and the creature I wish to be.
There’s some big long journey  involved?

…Or is there?
Is that just an excuse, a story of resistance?
Did words not create this story to begin with? As they do so many other things? As they will my freedom.

Is all I desire simply one step away?
My untrusting mind frozen in place?
I wish I could thaw it.
Perhaps I can..
Perhaps I just need to speak the warm words that will melt my trepidation.

Say:

“Thaw.

Fear not! – where your next step will land you.

Know that you are only everything you say you are.”

Say:

“I am Veracious Love.”

And now, move.

All I need.

Tonight I drove home from work in a snow storm. The world looking like a Lite-Brite smeared behind cold glass. The snow flakes just pouring down under street lights in every direction. Sugar rain from an endless source.

And I thought to myself…
“Abundance.”

And then I felt that each snowflake that landed on my car brought something that I needed into my life. Each a solution, a blessing, or surprise.

One for a peaceful house when I get home. One for words that untie the tangles in my soul. One for the exercise my body is craving. One for every single person who will feed me their soul-chips.

Countless specks for love and laughter. Some for the music that soothes me. Some for joys, some for strength, some for ease. Some for the way through uncertainty.

On and on it went. A lifetime of everything I need landing on me. Even the things I can’t name yet or things that may never have a name. Even the things that have come and I’ve forgotten them but they left a kind of peace.

Endless, endless, endless, support in each landing. Until soon each crystal drew a whisper from my love drenched heart.

A soft and happy “Thanks.”

For Kim, Priestess of Pronoia – who taught me this concept with falling leaves.

Journaling is Like a Superpower.

Something really special has happened the last few evenings. My kids and I have discovered a new evening ritual. We call it Journal Time.

Normally the time after dinner and before bed is designated for quiet time. We’ll play cards, listen to stories, read books, sip hot tea, or as of late, just sit in a silent row on the couch and pour ourselves into our composition books.

Last night I couldn’t help but wonder what we were all filling our individual pages with. I asked my 11 year old daughter, “what are you journling about tonight?” She turned her page towards me, it was a list. Gifts for friends and family for the holidays. I asked my 7 year old son the same question? He showed me how he was practicing writing his numbers and drawing a picture story about ghosts who meet a human. Then of course I had to give my answer. I was hand lettering an affirmation that was bringing me peace. “Just for today, I will live for this day alone, and not try to solve all of my life’s problems at once.”

Then my son asked me “what are you supposed to write in a journal?” I told him absolutely anything that comes to your mind. Sometimes it might be a list, sometimes it might be a story or a picture, sometimes its a plan for something, or simply the thoughts that are cluttering up your heart or mind. Journaling can help you realize all the things you know. And it can also give your mind a place to create peace and gratitude. Journaling is like a super power! I told them.

I just love writing all kinds of things down. It helps me ground myself and discover my truth. Here are 3 journaling practices I use that are especially good for cultivating more creativity, contentment, and clarity.

Purging for creativity
The purge practice came from the book The Artist’s Way – The practice is to write for a set amount of time, say 10 minutes, without a preconceived prompt or topic in mind. The process implores us to write with complete inhibition, no regard for spelling, structure, or even logic. Just write and don’t stop until the timer rings. The results can bring a sense of lightness or relief. This practice is great for warming up for a creative project as well, cultivating self-awareness, or clearing out a seemingly cluttered or negative mindset.

The Unconditional Gratitude List for contentment The Unconditional Gratitude list comes from Melody Beattie’s book Make Miracles in 40 days. This practice is different from other gratitude practices in that it encourages us to list difficulties and challenges alongside our preferable circumstances. The idea is that we become willing to open our hearts and minds to the unfavorable aspects of our lives and appreciate them for the strength and growth they elicit in our lives. The benefits of making an unconditional gratitude list are endless, but some of the immediate results can include, a sense of groundedness and strength, appreciation and comfort, and It can also be an empowering and effective antidote to depression and/or anxiety.

Here’s what this might look like:

Today I am grateful for:

  1. The weekend to relax and recharge.
  2. This instrumental song called Find Enjoyment by Ray Barbee.
  3. The ache in the center of my back that prompts me to stack my vertebrae, engage my powerhouse, press my crown towards the sky, and breath deep.
  4. The anxiety I felt this week that sent me searching for peace and finding exactly what I needed in a free audiobook called The Simple Faith of Mr. Rogers.
  5. Tea that smells like oranges and cinnamon.

Getting to Hell Yes for clarity
Getting to Hell Yes communication model came from the book Getting to Hell Yes by Alexandra Jamieson and Bob Gower and it is very helpful in helping make tough decisions or getting clear on group efforts. The practice can be done with one’s self or with another person or group. The goal is to get clear about a topic or endeavor in the kindest and clearest way possible. The process requires each person answer the 4 questions (listed below) in the most complete and honest way possible. It is foundational that the person or persons participating in this are open and receptive, they are patient with themselves and others and pay attention without comment or judgment. The end result is a clear and concise understanding of individual intentions, concerns, needs, and desires. As a result, the information gained can lay the foundation for clear goals and action steps.

Intentions – for this day/goal/project?
Concerns – fears and/or paranoia?
Boundaries – what needs to happen to ensure I feel safe and free, what is needed from self and what is needed from others?
Desires – What would outcome look and feel like if it went exactly my way?