Dear self. When you feel like a sick, prick with no direction, read this.
- Read things that you’ve written. – this is your trail of breadcrumbs, your way back home.
- Drink more water.
- Take your mind herbs – your nervous system is likely a whirling mess (especially if it’s Autumn) Take care of your brain and it will take care of you.
- Long showers & candle light & self massage – you’re craving the sweet taste.. but really you know you’re craving love, touch, and warmth.
- Don’t forget to feel – stop chasing “info” & “facts” and just fucking feel. “Know what you know, and if you don’t know something, know that its okay because it is the truth.” – Melody Beattie
- Remember this is temporary – this may be what is true for you right now, but it is not all there is. “The truth will set you free…but first it will piss you off.” – Gloria Steinem
- Drink Chamomile tea.
- Eat food that is Alive – that means there is still a shred of life in it, it hasn’t been processed to death or over cooked. Life energy gives way to life energy – if you are feeling dead inside, don’t add more dead stuff to the mix.
- Write – just write, even if its just a stupid list telling you what you already know (especially if what you know is gratitude.)
- Reach out – write a letter, go to a meeting, send the same text to dozens of people in a desperate, honest, abrupt attempt to know you aren’t alone – send the message you would like to receive. We get what we give. (Hey _____ (one or all/any people I know) Hope you are doing awesome shit and taking good care of yourself. I really appreciate you.)
- Go outside – or at the very least, LOOK outside. (the natural world is honest and longing to show you what’s real)
- Don’t (just don’t) expect to know anything right now – this includes: what you’re doing, who you are, or where you’re going… “And I’ll be the most beautiful in this moment… or the most cynical and strange, I can always rearrange, I can always find myself just how I am.”
- Deep belly breathing (deep breaths for a young (wo)man learning)
- Stick to as many of your rituals as you can. (remember gratitude first thing in the A.M. work when it’s time to work, eat when it’s time to eat, dance when it’s time to dance, honor your quiet time rule after dinner, take your vitamins, brush your teeth, consult your planner)
- Ponder the notion that Life is just a ride at some cosmic amusement park…
- Find your most extreme feeling and counter it – If you feel cold (cold hands, cold thoughts, cold heart) give yourself warmth (hot tea, warm stories, self massage) If you’re feeling crazy – go to what/where you feel stability (a straight line, hang out with rocks, tree pose) If you feel unorganized and full of too much distraction – go to what/where you feel is quiet or systematic (your planner, the library, sweep the floors) etc.. “Immerse yourself in the energy of what you most desire” – Hiro Boga
- Go to your guides – trust in signs, talk less & listen more, see what your superstars are saying – open your favorite book of daily meditations or poetry to a random page and read it.
- Remember gratitude.
- Fall face first into the pillows and scream – then burn some sage and say “thanks.”
- Stop taking yourself so seriously – for today, remove every label you have ever applied to yourself except HUMAN and STUDENT.
- Commit to asking yourself these questions a week from now – for now just collect the information you’ll use to answer them.
- Listen to your PMS playlist -Songs for when you need to relax and remember that you are AMAZING and life is about learning and growing.
“So many times I’ve wondered where I’ve gone, and how I found my way back in.” – Norah Jones
With Love & Light,
Your truest Self
Today I will be
with love and laughter
and silent intention
that weighs warm and heavy in the air
affording, if only just a moment
of space well held
For a stranger, for a friend, for myself
A space where less is more
and meanings are louder than words
and conversations are felt not heard
and sounds and glances glitter
modestly on top
like stars sprinkled upon a vast darkness of truth and infinity
– Big Love, Kenzie
My mind is a field
Waiting for your Divine body
to lay in it. To roll in it
To dance and make love in it
To sing praises, or shouts of invigoration
To plant seeds of strength
Blow whispers of truth into the wind
I am a mush of greatness this morning
Like oatmeal – with too much maple syrup
Longing to seep everywhere
and penetrate your salty skin
Longing to weigh heavy on your scattered thoughts
like a blanket of sweet truth
“It is all here.”… I would whisper
your cold ears
“It is all here just reach out your hand, your mind, your heart.. and take it!”
I am a paper heart this morning
speckled with glimmery scraps
tissue paper and glue
Longing to take you far into an old memory
That you have forgotten lately, but is the truth of things
The truth of love and courage and freedom.
One taste of this memory and you are
intoxicated with faith
A humbleness you can’t explain with your adult mind
or perhaps swallow as your ego stands panting over your shoulder
Even still, I am a noisy dog this morning,
that “clickity-clacks” behind you
and longs to nudge you and love you
despite your bossy ego
Urging you to break down and pour out love and laughter
from the moment you rise
urging you to spill your tea and say “oh well.”
You know what I remembered today?…
It’s okay to want to be alone
It’s okay to take yourself away, to practice what you are
or what you want to be.
It’s okay to dance alone in the candle light to a familiar beat
one that feels like a retreat and brings all the best parts of you to the surface
Lets you shine in the darkness where no one may notice… but you will.
You’ll be a bright shinning ball of light if only for a moment,
the stars will accept you as one of their own.
They’ll adore you and respect you.
It’s okay to be fearsome and brave
and scare all the negative notions stalking you away.
It’s nice to shed those garbage thoughts like dirty clothes
and get naked like it’s just you and your soul and it’s endless prose
urging you to move till you feel everything stop chasing you
and nothing unrighteous touching you.
It’s okay to fall in love with who you are
and take buckets of that love and shed it on another
surely it splashes off you anyway
and seeps into all the cracks and crevices of your life
like a sparkling liquid that will harden into glue.
All because of you.
All because you danced.
All because you took a chance, because you took a stand,
because you realigned, often, perhaps even hundreds of times.
Because you were steadfast, you’ll change in the future
yet admired your past.
It’s good to point this out sometimes
because sometimes we forget…
It all keeps moving, growing, building, flowing.
It’s all so easy to see when you’re alone.
When you’re alone you’re truly home
free to relax or rearrange, if you don’t like the way your home feels
you’re free to tear down and reclaim.
Free to place little reminders on the windowsills and mirrors
free to be emotional or relieved,
free to even change what you believe,
free to feel safe even amidst uncertainty
safe because you always have some where to go, somewhere to be
somewhere to call your own. Just close your eyes
and let your breath bring you home.
Mountains sit like Deities in the window
Urging stillness, in my peripheral
I’d be wise to let them urge me
Let them show me, let them be me
It’s not common practice
to sit and wait for nothing
and linger in the moment
in fact we have been conditioned, not to, that it’s lazy
My breath is steam, as I clutch my tea,
it melts into the morning
I could travel a thousand miles,
right from where I’m sitting
But I resist
I stay and visit
the moment takes me in like a dear friend
Man, I’m glad I didn’t miss it
It may seem silly, may seem awkward
But I’m glad I finally accept the offer
Thoughts stare back at me
in a reflection on black tea
Guess you never know when you’ll run into yourself
and curls questions sink and melt
Tea leaves float the surface like tiny boats and striving hopes
that sail right through the harshest storms
shapes and forms reveal themselves
in the midst a revelation is born
One Solid shining notion
Pulled from a pool of liquid black
Sparkles hug the curves of optimism
the way the lunar shadow hugs the edges around the inside of my cup
Reminds me of the tides and all life’s cycles
Roll with the downs
Roll with the ups
You have to be just as brave to finish as you were to start